CREATING OR CONSUMING
OH!
It feels good to be back here.
You might think this is ridiculous, but I’ve always seen these two sections of the website as very different and separate in my head. Even though I develop both in similar ways, they simply don’t represent the same to me when it comes to writing and expressing my thoughts.
I created this part of the website to be easier and far less time-consuming than Thoughts, but it ended up being more challenging than I expected. Maybe because I was still new to the idea of writing consistently every week – the rush and excitement at the beginning made it seem simpler than it really was.
As time went by, the excitement remained, but it evolved. It’s not the same anymore; it feels like a different kind of dopamine now. I once wrote that this is my actual hobby and, at the moment, my only one – so I think I’ve been developing feelings I’d never experienced before.
When Sunday arrives, it’s time to finish the article, publish the newsletter, and finally make public what I’ve been writing or thinking – sometimes for a week, sometimes for a month, sometimes even longer. That moment always feels tiring. I’m not always looking forward to it, honestly. Each time it gets harder to find a topic, to find the right time to express my thoughts, to create the content – which, ironically, is my least favorite part.
But all of that disappears the minute I receive the newsletter. When it lands in my inbox, and I open it on my phone or my computer, when I get a comment from a friend or family member, everything changes. The exhaustion turns into happiness. It turns into discipline, into self-consistency, into proof that this – and so much more – is something I can truly do on my own, without any outside help.
It feels great to be both creative and productive. Even when it seems vain – or maybe I just see it that way because of the topic – keeping my mind busy, not just revolving around the work routine, the household routine, or the workout routine, but focusing on something far from repetitive, has made my year surprisingly exciting.
On the other hand, consuming is the source of knowledge. Whether it’s a book, a movie, a video, a document, or a photograph – consuming, in terms of content, culture, and art, is the foundation of feeling. It’s what allows someone to understand what they feel when they see or create. Finding something that intrigues you, that ignites your passion, something that makes you feel like you could never get enough of it, that’s one of the greatest pleasures. Especially when you get to be part of the crafting process of what eventually becomes something else, to be consumed by somebody else.
There’s no such thing as one without the other. They complement each other, creation and consumption, feeling and transformation. Both are essential parts of the process.
Now, when I look back, I think about all those times I wanted to start but didn’t – the moments when I had an idea but didn’t have the courage to develop it because it didn’t feel good enough. These days, I ask myself: Good enough for whom? Who was I comparing myself to? Someone who’s been doing it for years? A professional?
You should never compare yourself to anyone but the person you were, are, and will be. Because there’s no future self without the courage of the present you.
